My Very Own Date at the Modern Moulin Rouge, Minus the Absinthe but Featuring A Very Charming Fox Trot with Boba Fett, As Told In Three Parts


I – Wherein I Explain the Title, Or Die Trying

Welcome, Ministry fans! Thanks for visiting! I have a pair of lovely little giveaways for you, but before I share those details, let me tell you a little story about what I love about steampunk.

I didn’t intend to become a writer of steampunk stories. I really didn’t. I knew the term, sure, but it was just another literary sub-genre to me … until a gentleman named Mister Lapin wandered along and changed everything. One morning I was driving to work, listening to the Dr. Horrible soundtrack, and as the mad, bombastic closing credits music played I was suddenly struck by an idea: What if I wrote a story about a man who turns himself into a half-man, half-rabbit? And what if he used alchemy to solve mysteries? It was so crazy I just had to do it, and when I sat down later that evening, I found the voice naturally became an excitable British man straight out of the Victorian era. The Impossible Mister Lapin, my novel of weird science and occult investigations in a Britain that never was, had begun. It quickly took on a life of its own, growing from a short story to a serial novella to my first ever full-fledged novel, adding gadgets and alchemy and evil spirits as it went, often with me feeling as though I was trailing slightly behind, trying frantically to keep up.

What was even more amazing, though, was the scene that surrounded this new world I’d chanced into. My wife, the costumer, had started attending Dorian’s Parlor, a lovely steampunk gathering in Philadelphia, and as the story of Mister Lapin took on life she brought me along with her. I was stunned and enchanted by the creativity and vibrancy of the community – there were people faithfully recreating exquisite Victorian and Edwardian dress down to the smallest detail, while others blasted off into the far realms of steam-powered fantasy as airship pirates and eccentric inventors, and everything inbetween. There was music, art,  fashion, gadgetry,  literature (always a relief for a writer looking to sell a tale), academic discussion … there was a community. And even though some of them liked to quarrel about what did or didn’t suit the scene, or even how to define the term “steampunk” itself, in the end the movement always seemed to celebrate a diversity of inspiration that was positively breathtaking.

In many ways, meeting the steampunk community – at Dorian’s, at New York Comic Con, at Steampunk World’s Faire and many other places besides – reminded me of Christian’s first experience with the Moulin Rouge in the film of the same name – a whirl of sounds and sights, faces and delights. And that’s without any absinthe to help the experience along!

Now that steampunk has crossed well into the mainstream, of course there are any number of naysayers who claim it’s over, it’s done, it’s been co-opted will never be the same. But with respect, I rather think those folks are missing the point. Movements rise and fall in popularity, naturally, but the very diversity of the community and the experiences and inspirations it draws on makes it far hardier than one might expect. Because it’s not purely history, and it’s not purely fiction, it’s a lovely expanse of middle ground between the two. Besides, there are other factors that also play a role, which might be even more unexpected than airship captains, safari enthusiasts with rayguns and the inimitable Steampunk Boba Fett. (As if such a thing were possible, I know.)

But here’s what comes to mind whenever someone tells me that steampunk’s already on its way out. When I was in college, the neo-swing revival was in full, well, swing, and an interviewer asked Royal Crown Revue lead singer Eddie Nichols if he thought the music would be a fad, or if it had staying power. He replied, “Will it be huge like it is now? Nah. ‘Course not. It’ll level off soon enough. But you see those cats out there on the dance floor? They paid a lotta money on those dance lessons, not to mention the outfits. This music didn’t really die before, and it’s not going to now either. Besides, it doesn’t age like the punk rock or metal bands wil. You can grow old with this, you know? It’s classy. You won’t be moshing at your daughter’s wedding, but you will definitely fox trot.”

I look around at all the passion and energy and innovation being poured into the fashion and music and writing and crafting, the humor and style and class that inform and support this scene, and I don’t hear metal.

I hear swing.

II – Rally Behind the Ministry!

While many of you probably reached this post as part of the blog hop, I suppose it’s possible that some of you haven’t heard of the Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences, and are wondering exactly where that lovely graphic came from and what exactly is going on. Well, wonder no further! Allow the creators themselves to explain:

Galileo Games and Imagine That! Studios have teamed up to bring you an ambitious steampunk project! The Ministry Initiative is a two-part creative endeavor that will not only premiere new fiction from the steampunk world of the Ministry but also present a brand new role playing game from the makers of Bulldogs! and the ENnie Award winning game Shelter in Place. Thrill to the tales in Ministry Protocol anthology, or join in as an Agent in The Ministry Initiative RPG.

“Find out more about this endeavor by checking out my giveaway contest at the end of this entry, then hopping to all the blogs listed below – many of them sponsoring wonderful contests and giveaways of their own, I might add, for all you lovers of free things! – and of course supporting the Kickstarter here:

The Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences J.R. Blackwell Jared Axelrod
PJ Schnyder Leanna Renee Hieber Pete Woodworth
Tee Tate Karina Cooper The Galaxy Express
Tiffany Trent Alex White Delilah S. Dawson
Simply Ali Wicked Little Pixie Books Make Me Happy
MamaKitty Reviews Thats What Im Talking About Kathryn Camisa
Krista Cagg Seleste deLaney Pauline Creeden
The Pen Punks Melissa Pauline Baird Jones
Vivid Muse Robert C Roman Jack Mangan


III – Last But Not Least: How to Win Free Stuff!

As part of the Ministry Initiative Kickstarter, I’m proud to announce my own giveaway for those dogged Ministry agents willing to put in a little legwork. Here’s the skinny:


I want you to create the most devious, most devilish steampunk villain you can imagine, and tell me about it!

1) Craft A Villain!
Here’s what I need from you:
Name: Your villain’s name. It can be as simple or elaborate as you like. Don’t forget titles – they didn’t spend all those years in Evil Medical School to be called mister, after all!
Signature Villainy: What is your villain’s “signature” knavery? Killer gorillas? Freeze rays? Radioactive dinosaurs? Fell sorcery? Knives in the dark? A poisoned kiss? Unexpected cats?
Most Infamous Crime: Give the title or description of their most notorious bit of malfeasance: “The Terrible Affair of the Lemon”, “The Archduke’s Sinister Disappearance”. “The Time That Gravity was Most Unceremoniously Stolen”, you name it.  You don’t need to elaborate too much – in fact, it’s usually better if you leave it to our imaginations a bit.

Here’s a sample contest entry – yours can be more elaborate, but this should give you the idea:
Name: The Ghost Emperor!
Signature Villainy: Poisonous alchemical fog!
Most Infamous Crime: “The Usurpation of the Imperial Throne, By Means Most Underhanded and Occult”

2) Post Your Villain!
* Post your entry here at this blog, as a response to this very post.
* You may enter more than once, but please, no more than once per day.
* The contest is open from the time this post goes live on May 22nd to 6 PM EST on May 29th.

3) Check Back for Prizes!
At the end of the contest, a winner will be decided by an esteemed panel of judges (read: as many Ministry writers as I can collect). This winner will receive a free electronic copy of my story from the Ministry Initiative anthology, currently titled “New London Calling.” Information will be collected and arrangements will be made to deliver this story in electronic format as soon as the Ministry’s esteemed editorial staff deem it ready for public release, which is likely to be a little ahead of its release to the general public. Tease your friends with knowledge of the exploits that only you are privy to as they gnash their teeth in envy!

In addition, the winner and one runner-up will also receive electronic copies of Runnermy post-zombie-apocalypse, action-adventure novel. Because after some dashing steampunk exploits, nothing cleanses the palate for another course like a serving of gritty survival horror. And, having just referred to zombies as the literary equivalent of sorbet, I’m going to stop talking now.


OK, so I’m no quite finished. I’d encourage you to check back as the contest goes forward, because you never know what other wrinkles and new developments might pop up. Don’t forget to head on over to the Kickstarter to donate to this very awesome game/anthology combo, but while you’re here, steampunk fans should really take a moment to drop in and make the acquaintance of one Mister Lapin. If that amuses you, I also like to write about LARP, writing theory. geek culture, and most anything else that comes to mind, really. It’s been a pleasure having you here – thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see some of your villains soon!

It’s a strange world out there, agents.

Let’s keep it that way!

10 responses

  1. bn100

    Name: HeloLibre
    Signature Villainy: secret plane propeller arm
    Most Infamous Crime: landscaping fellow villains’ gardens by moonlight

    bn100candg at hotmail dot com

    May 27, 2013 at 2:32 am

  2. Kat S.

    Name: Madame Polaris

    Signature Villainy: An unsettling ability to successfully manipulate of the laws of Einstein, Kepler and Newton

    Most Famous Crime: The Absolute Truth in regards to a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

    May 29, 2013 at 7:11 pm

  3. Pixen

    Name: The Inebriated Inkheart

    Signature Villainy: They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but truthfully they never met this man who is never far from a tankard of drink. Caught ‘red handed’ has a new meaning when the ink with which he writes ends up running thick with the blood of his victims. What Inkheart writes in his drunken stupor turns true, and the stories wrought upon the page are really peoples’ tales and stories spun coming to an end with a determined press of the quill scratching across the page. (Those surprise heart attacks that befall the young? An autopsy of their heart would show the sweet lifeblood runs blue not for lack of oxygen, but of ink).

    Most Infamous Crime: He’d do a lot for a drink. A lot. And when a particular bartender thought his seething sloppy drunkenness had gone too far it wasn’t a gun he drew or a knife or some flashy bit of motorisms—oh no, it was his pen and a smile. While it wasn’t unlike a man to be a scribe or a wordsmith, it was unlike a man to bring his work to the table with his tankard nearby and not care if he spilled or dribbled or drabbled on the page. He’d swallow the last drops of his tankard, assuming there was something left, put a dot to the end of his line and crumple up the page. Tossing it into the fire as he stumbled his way out the door, he’d leave a coin on the bar and make his way out stumbling. Inkheart would smile, apologize for inconveniencing the barkeep of choice, and move about his merry way. It could be hours, it could be days, but soon enough the barmen would drop usually with a tankard in hand for an eager customer whose drink would never come.


    May 29, 2013 at 7:53 pm

  4. Kate P

    Name: Dutchess VonDoom
    Signature Villainy: Thieves by way of mechanical tentacles which she hides beneath her many petticoats.
    Most infamous crime: The day the Queen’s most prized jewels vanished straight form her neck at the annual masquerade ball.

    May 29, 2013 at 7:54 pm

  5. Matt Austin

    Name: Dr. Wilhelm von Kogsworth
    Signature Villainy: An army of clockwork android clones rigged to explode.
    Most Infamous Crime: Simultaneously assassinating 11 key British military leaders…at once, at the same time, “like clockwork!”

    May 29, 2013 at 10:26 pm

  6. Ari R.

    Name: Chancellor Bark McRuffington

    Signature Villainy: Kidnapping puppies and forcing them to work in his kibble factories.

    Most infamous crime: Poor Fluffy…

    May 30, 2013 at 1:22 am

  7. Liz T

    Name: Robert S. Robinson
    Nicknaame: RoberRob

    Signature villainy: Elaborate heists using kinetic Rube Goldberg machines, set off by hapless bystanders that frequently end up entangled in the mousetrap like contraptions.

    Most infamous crime: Setting off the bells of Big Ben 40 minutes early in order to confuse the watch at the Tower of London so he could make off with prized rooks from the tower in the hubub.

    May 30, 2013 at 4:03 am

  8. Name: Baron Louis le Cheveaux
    Signature villainy: Kidnapping and ransoming influential men, women, and cephalopods, all the while twirling his Impressive Mustache
    Most infamous crime: Wherein the Dastardly Baron Got Hold of Her Majesty’s Own Royal Octopus, Returning it (once sufficient funds had been procured) Clad Only in a Recently Applied Cunning Mustache

    May 30, 2013 at 7:00 am

  9. Steven Hoffman

    Name: The Mad Mathematician

    Signature Villainy: Multiplying targets, Dividing enemies between them, Adding Explosives, Subtracting buildings and the enemies within.

    Most Infamous Crime: With the help of the rest of the “Order of Operations” he convinced the hero Mechanical Man, to divide by zero, and made off with a tablet that contains the fabled final digits of pie.

    May 31, 2013 at 3:12 pm

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